On the way up, I have done terrible things… So on my way down, I sin a little more…

…. Damn, I continue to do these very terrible things, very slovenly, with very sticky digits, very hostile and very quiet .

(I plot nothingness on paper, follow this conscious thought, until I see 30. Then I leave it to create another point to end by 30. At thirty, I am still as wet behind the ears as I was when I was better known as nineteen; inches away from the brink, that awful, 20 – which felt much like 30; a something before and then followed by nothing).

A year that should be recalled as bubbly and bright – filled with thoughts unbranded, oldn’Shiny and new adventures…

Instead, as it was only mere weeks ago, it was filled with dread and an over abundance of shit to deal with. I pushed and pushed and the trash rose higher in the air – the demons still whisper, even though vision blurs and it’s now it’s then – these tragedies meld, no one is grateful – good deeds forgotten it wasn’t the same. But can it be the same ol’ songn’Dance-yet-again@??!!!

darkndivaDa_Kamel’s broken back, cracks again – hissssssssssssss.

Ah-eye-is broken and I can no longer appreciate, the desire to ask for permission. I am so tired of being squashed, of this constant greed, and your audacity – answering my every question with your damn ‘NO!!’.

Lately, I have simply walked up and opened the door. I wanted to step back, get into the fifth business mode (observe without been overly noticeable).

It ain’t working as well as I had hoped, I always seem to manage to step front and centre, I just wanted to relax on the wall. Yessir, I never wanted to leave.

I am alone on the wall, when I am alone, your pithy expectations are irrelevant, I show why I think – this thing that I see right now is A-W-E-S-O-M-E!! Sure in a moment or two I won’t be able to recall that awesome-mess but, trust me it was good.

Or in the distant future that I can often touch, presently I find detail that makes that future, pass into nothingness and become less daunting… I am overly emphatic, if it feels good now, then it’s good, watch out though – don’t let my mouth catch you.

There’s a certain truth in what I say, you deny IT  and SO WHAT IF THIS hURTs!!! STo-o-op trying to hide ;9…. i will be still, for now.

(And for just a moment, *sighs* a new feeling, could it be that I may start to like it here?)

In this moment of zen… The anti-everything now is taking hold and everything I touch clings to my spirit      Making it s-o-a-r ;9


~ by tashpoeme on November 27, 2008.

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