Stuck on ♥ and still somehow Alone… I NOW.C ♥

What do I do with this gift?

(This love)

Can I give it back?

(Put it on a shelf)

I don’ t deserve this

I’ve spent my whole life loving for pretend. Since, love is something that only happens in the movies. I mean think about it; it`s perfect and scripted – you love and therefore love comes to you. You don`t have to change, you don`t have to be good – LOVE happens and you roll with it. And you love those people who are impossible to love like John Cusack`s characters- guys that have a few screws awry, that don`t act according to status quo and most importantly are too into themselves (and their crazy hobbies or to be fair, prettier girls) to notice you and if they do, it`s like the-end-of-all-things and the beginning of nothing – it`s just that magical.

(The eternal wallflower, gets to control the pace – turn the dial of love on and off – she gets to decide whether she uses the love each day or saves some for next week).

What am I going to do with this?

(He’s never going to understand my jokes)

He’s going to think I’m being clingy and needy and…

(He’s going to think that I’m crazy)

But I’m not – just different

(And Backwards)

I can’t handle this, I know that soon he’s going to leave

(Fuck, I know that I should hope and keep my fingers crossed)

But hope like love, is fickle and disappears before it fully appears…

Oh gawd, I miss being alone – I ain’t saying that I liked it

(But I knew what I expected from myself)

I didn’t have to watch what I said to myself

(It was crazy, I could just say what I felt without consequence)

Gawd, he’s more emotional than me

(Damn, how impossible is that!)

I find love and instead of being the woman and having my head rest on his shoulder – *humphf* Instead his head is comfie and mine is still resting against the wall…. Oh remembering the first time, when I saw you,  tears sprang eternal (that should have been a red flag, maybe it wasn`t joy or even bliss) and I wept. 

Sadly the weeping hasn`t ceased…


~ by tashpoeme on December 24, 2008.

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