Lookin at me…

Don’t like what I see…. *sigh*

So, I get the hair ‘did’,  pluck the brows or wear some sexy ass shit… I mean, it’s just to create joy and happiness, well at least that how it seems in my overly reactive imagination…

*deep breath*

Who am I kidding? 

Fuck, I don’t like this wishy-and-washy I love you; the but I hate you, but I’m gonna leave you mode – only to be knocking on your door milliseconds later! Why can’t I just be, oh I don’t know satisfied, smart enough to move forward (or maybe it’s the fact that I’m a chicken and it’s easier to fight with you than to be officially alone).

Granted, I like ‘me-time’ and I push you away – I deserve to be alone for acting this way, but I need you to be smarter than me and see beyond the games that I shouldn’t be playing… Or (here-I-go-again!) maybe I’m subconsciously tryin to exercise the demon-that-is-us!

So, if it’s isn’t getting all dolled up or our relationship that’s getting me down, what gives? Oh, I know! It’s the new-year-blues and baby, I got it bad!! And the past is always nearby, itching to fuck up the here and now… Do I pull the stopper or watch the shit pile up?

Hope these White Lies don’t catch up with me….E.S.T.

Fallin from Grace and Losing hope, still!


~ by tashpoeme on January 7, 2009.

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