A Payne and a Joy to reminisce…

Once again bumming around and not doing much of much, and as the lazy child that I eternally shall be, amen, has finally taken a moment to glance upon Max Payne. I’ve always been a sucker for superhero/supervillain theme, especially with a tint of noir… A neat little journey, watching the nuances of patriarchy, nurture and revenge when ‘the truth’ finally arises – fighting ones demons and such… into a cute action filled package, sorry just grabbing my trusty hanky *blows, then sniffles*

Fie on you, shady critics… desist, stand back in queue – be bland…. 

But, emboldened by the latest round of ennui, I’ve been thinking a lot about school lately and I still don’t know what I want to do. I mean if going to school, in the name of being at school was one of my choices… *sigh* I know, I’m not ready for a career path or anything of that stripe… Stuck again, I’m still searching for the freedom to make my own mistakes… You know, not have to worry about other people’s shit – except, the problem is if I go away to school, I’ll be alone (and boy, it’s hard already- even amongst a crowd, invisibly loud and yet, quite ‘unheard’ in my family). And the stress of playing ‘hello, I’m here too!’, it’s getting pretty fucking old.

I’m sure you’ve heard of that saying about too many cooks, captains who all play on the same court – no one giving an inch. Yes, good. We all know that, soon enough, everything explodes…. The analogy of things ‘falling apart’ doesn’t ring with the same voracity, *boom!@!*

I’ve got a huge problem…. I finally have a choice and I can already see that I’m doomed to repeat, rewind and repeat the aforementioned mistake. Um, but for tonight, I’m just going party – the good ol’ fashioned drunk till I puke revelry that I love so much and everyone is going to be there… *giggles*

So much Joy and I’ll feel Payne, tomorrow – unless I just turn this into a drinking weekend, hmmmm mimosas and by Monday, I won’t be able to feel anyTHIng!!

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~ by tashpoeme on January 26, 2009.

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